Tuesday, August 05, 2008

i hate the internet today

There are positive and negative things about the good ol' internet. I love being able to do a million things, but I hate knowing the bad things people are saying about me and dan back in kalamazoo.

I was seriously in love with that town for so long and I felt like I was doing my part in making it a great place to live. And Dan was so passionate to create places for our friends to love, like the moped shop and the rocket star. I am not saying we deserve medals or anything, but I feel like we were both very positive and optimistic Kalamazoo citizens. I was SO SAD to leave it, but knew it was the right thing for Dan and I to do. We both cried as we drove off and headed west. Turns out it was leaving the town that seemed to stir everything up, unavoidably in a life-altering way.

Being such a small town, there has always been drama floating around, settling, then fading away. A cycle, really. Living there, that was something I would purposefully avoid. Why is it, now that I am hundreds of miles away, that I am sucked in to such ridiculous drama? It's not fair. No one hears my side of the story and they believe any slanderous thing they hear about Dan and myself. It's coming back to my ears in pieces through text messages, e-mails - people asking what IS going on? I should ignore comments on other people's Facebook pages involving Dan and myself. I have the urge to respond, to speak up for myself, to set the facts straight. I will resist. It's so hard though to let people go on believing inaccurate things, or only half of the truth. My optimism and trust on people is coming to a screeching halt. It's so sad to watch it go, or change, really. I've always believed in people, but through these circumstances I have begun to feel hardened, like I have to change my way of thinking and believing to survive in such a...I don't know...dog-eat-dog world.

How has optimism survived throughout time? I keep re-reading that question. Mine seems to be on life support. People have survived after being on life support, right? Perhaps it's not dying, it has just suffered some serious trauma and needs time to heal. That's optimistic. Maybe there's hope yet.


mcentellas said...

I've no idea what the issue is, but I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. You guys are both AWESOME in my book. If you get a chance, come to Baltimore. Or we'll go to San Francisco.

You know I'll be in San Diego for a work meeting late August, right? I'll be nearly broke by then, but if you guys want to drive down from SF to SD, I'd love to meet up w/ you guys!

molly said...

STOP reading these things! Whatever they are...they're not helping your mind set. Trust me, stay away from the negative and move forward with the positive.


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