Friday, July 03, 2009

tic toc goes the clock

I just want to start by saying I spent 8 hours sitting on the couch today. I keep telling myself that doing so is okay...this is the last time I can do that for a really long time. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I keep thinking about all there is to do and clean to get ready for Jack.

Speaking of the little man, he's moving around so much lately. I feel him getting stronger and bigger. He stretches out across my whole belly and pushes on either side. Sometimes I have to stand up because I feel short of breath from him pushing on my lungs. I look forward to the next doctor's appointment we have on Tuesday - we get another ultrasound! We haven't seen him since we found out it was a him.

Sitting around so much I've passed the time by soaking in everything "baby" related on t.v. "Baby story" and "Bringing home baby" are on TLC every morning. I enjoy Cheerios as I watch women go through birth and the first 36 hours with their babies. Not sure if this is more of a good thing or a bad thing. I've seen the reality of the birthing process - it is never a given as to what happens vs. what you desire as laid out in a birth plan. Most of the time I find myself crying right along with the mom and dad on the show. But it also gets me a bit anxious. So many women bail on nursing their babies, which is something I am very determined to do. I understand that it's not going to be comfortable for a while, it will in fact hurt, but I've come to the conclusion that there isn't any other option.

For as nervous as some of those episodes make me feel some mornings, shows like "16 and Pregnant" on MTV and a new show on TLC called "I didn't know I was pregnant" make me feel a bit more secure and prepared as I embark on mommyhood. I'm not in high school, and labor isn't going to catch me off guard because I've known I've been pregnant for quite some time.

Of course I have concerns, which flood my brain and require me to sit down and close my eyes for a bit, but I've been trying to be calm and optimistic. A huge thing I am concerned about is meeting other moms my age who I get along with. None of my friends are on the baby train out here. San Francisco is much different than the midwest. Well, duh. Ladies out here are starting their families a bit later in life, which is completely fine and wonderful. It's just that I can't help but feel alone. Last summer when I was being a nanny I couldn't help but feel like an outsider at the parks we would frequent. Life as a new mom feels a bit like some cliche movie about high school cliques. I'm going to be like the new kid trying to fit in a world where friendships and connections are already established. I know somewhere out there in this city - all 7 miles squared of it - that there are a few moms in the same boat I'm in. We'll find each other!

Well, friends, it's the 4th of July weekend! Enjoy fireworks and BBQs and your families and friends. I miss you, Michigan!


MARY said...

Aww, Jack is a sweet name! Girl, you all Jacked up!! Please make Dan do some photo shoots of you all preggers! I bet you're looking really beautiful! You are going to be a great mom and I'm sure you will quickly find other cool moms in SF. If not, maybe I'll adopt or something to keep you company!!
Love you and miss you,

Alison said...

I don't know if you remember my roommate Katy, but she had a baby in March (a complete surprise, but a good one!). She's the one I'm going to see in Eugene, where they moved about 3 or 4 months into her pregnancy. I think she went through similar feelings about giving birth/being ready that you explained as well as the problem of finding other moms and being one of the first people to have a kid. Too bad you two don't live closer!

mama n papa Ree said...

You're gonna do great, Emily!
just remind yourself that giving birth is a temporary process and only the beginning of your new life.

also, despite my old age, (and living in the midwest!) I feel your pain about not having friends who are also on the mommy train. I think being pregnant feels like such a solitary experience only to remind us to be super self-reliant. Good practice for the weeks and months to come. You're going to surprise yourself with your strength!

Can we have virtual mommy meetings over the interweb?


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